I am back (hopefully more regularly than not) and have so much to share. 2011 has definitely not been my year. It's been full of false friends, pointless sexual encounters, hospital runs, and a serious loss of imagination and creativity along with losing my sense of self.
Without going into a long-winded, very detailed version of everything that has happened, I'll just give you a brief rundown.
I lived with a girl named Nicole. She and I became best friends within a month of knowing each other. We didn't know it at the time, but we were only friends because we hadn't found anyone else who had the same bad qualities that we each had. That was pretty much all--we just had our worst qualities in common and that was seductive enough for us to ignore all warning signs. We both gravitate more toward the idea that the universe dictates what happens in our lives, or at least that it'll kick our asses when we need to fix something up or turn something around; change. We both stole often, it was one of our nasty habits. We became lazy together. I lost my creativity and spunk. I'm not sure what she lost, but I know she suffered losses in personality traits just the same. The universe was trying to tell us something, but it told us in entirely different ways because we each needed to change differently. From what I learned, I needed to open up more. I needed to stop pretending that I was the person that I seemed to be around Nicole. I needed to get my creative juices going and I needed to get rid of Nicole. Random surges of anger surfaced as my first big sign after continual annoyances. The second was that she slept with someone I was "seeing," for lack of a better term. Her change was different. She needed to change who she was as an entire person from what I could tell. She got caught stealing and was fined money. I walked away. She broke her wrist in one of the worst ways possible and will suffer from arthritis by the time she is 30, if not sooner. I took her to the E.R. She got hit by a car that I could have just as easily gotten hit by. I made the 911 call. I think the universe was trying to tell her she needed to be a better person. She thinks the universe was telling her not to be my friend. I don't see the connection.
After a misconstrued argument, I made the decision to move out. Not without difficulty, of course because Nicole and our other roommate were spiteful for who knows what reasons. (Maybe because I took the only sofa from the apartment while they were at school.) But I'm in a new and very comfortable home now and couldn't be happier with my change.
I'm making new and better friends. I'd like to make a note of one in particular. Her name is Sierra and we take French class together. I think she's just brilliant and so fun. I'm strengthening bonds with people I already care deeply for. I'm not sleeping with people who are just blatantly using me anymore. I'm trying to be healthier, as in I don't get mega drunk as often as I did last year (thanks Nicole.) I'm figuring out what works best for me and I'm working it into my life as best I can. I'm doing more art all of the time. I successfully signed up for a new art program for Winter quarter because my last program was sucking the life out of me, it was so chaotic and lame.
I could go on and on, but the point is that I'm doing well and I hope to continue on this path, or take turns accordingly! I'm back in Nebraska for the holiday. I'll have been here for two weeks by the time I leave. I can't express how nice it is being home with people that I just love so much. I don't have to worry about a thing here.
I'm counting down the days until 2012 rolls in. It's the end of a weird era in my life, and I am so anxious to move on properly and what better way than with a brand new year?!
Cheers,
A
