I just had an experience similar to the effect of some sort of civil break-up.
There’s this saying that everything in life happens for a reason. The universe acts in weird ways to show/tell us something we need to know. I believe that. I feel like I live it more obviously every time I learn something new.
It’s a curious thing when you connect so instantly with someone so strange to you. Even weirder when you find things out about them that you never thought you’d hear from another human being; your most secret qualities. The only thing that seemed right in those moments was to connect to and with them. You had to be friends and it was a mutual feeling on both your parts. You had a tremendous year with this person. There was a huge commitment to spending nearly every hour with each other, aside sleep and school time. Many, many laughs and good times. However, despite those good times the past year had been full of oddly awful events, surprising actions that led to unexpected falling outs, personality changes, bad habits forming, etc. It wasn’t until just recently that the possibility of a connection between those events and your friendship surfaced.
Prior to meeting this person your life had been in an incredibly good place. You just had the most amazing summer of your life with some of the best people you’ve ever met, your family was fully supportive and loving, and life was just good. Simple as that. Nearly immediately after bonding things started to change. The atmosphere in the home you shared changed (I forgot to mention you were roommates too.) You came in between her and her best friend of the time, subtly but you did. Explosion there. You came in between her and her boy-toy of the time, only that was for her own benefit. Both of you became exclusive to each other. You had a small circle of friends, and they all happened to be your roommates.
It all seemed like it was okay though, you just bit your tongues when you were bothered. You bit your tongue for a year. But the bad events kept happening. You both had developed a stupid stealing habit over the course of the year. She got caught. She moved back home with you for the summer. She got hit by a car. You had the most ridiculous mood curves, like something you’ve never experienced before. Everyone was a little shocked, yourself included. You saw each other differently, but put on a front and acted the same.
Your potential roommate dips out on you temporarily. That was the universe giving you the golden opportunity to split up before things got to a breaking point. Of course, you didn’t take it.
All three of you ended up moving in together when it was all said and done. It was totally cool. Things were good. Kind of. And then she slept with someone you were … seeing, for lack of a better term. That was a turning point for you. You knew from that point on that there wasn’t a friendship present anymore. But both of you tried to make it work.
It’s unfortunate that you’re always so quick to anger, but in a way it’s good because you usually get out of the situations that make you angry and it’s healthy.
A rent issue came up and turned into a segue for all of your unspoken issues to surface. A negative catharsis with hopes of a positive outcome. It was not about the rent. You all acted stupid. And now you’ve broken up. You can’t live together, nor can you be friends. Not right now and not for a while, at least.
It’s a curious thing when you and someone else share common ground with your worst qualities. When those in each of you, separate from each other, are only shadows…but together create something very dark. When that collective dark quality is so seductive that you ignore very blatant signals from the universe and then you get hit hard, you get forced out of it.
You were very different, but too similar in the worst ways. Friendships like that cannot last. They only serve one purpose and that is to show us something we’ve not noticed or known and then leave. We learn a lesson and then we live better.
It’s been talked about now, all is out on the table. You are free. You can breathe. Parts of your personality that have been suppressed over the last year are coming back to life. You are becoming whole again, and though finishing out this process will be a hassle, and it’ll be inconvenient, and maybe hard, it’s supposed to happen. You’re going to be better off. Life will again be good.
And to add to that positive turn, you did manage to make really wonderful friends that you are going to keep. You have found another path that isn’t the one for you and have a more clear idea about which ones are for you. You’ve learned powerful lessons and you’re now growing as a person.
Isn’t life sweet?
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