I learn new things about myself every day, but I always knew this about myself. I am a happy person but I have a dark side (as most do, I'd say.)It's difficult for me to verbalize what actually goes on in my mind. I have a very short fuze but it takes quite a lot to light it. I don't stress the big things in life, it's a collection of little things, a build up of non-important nothings that tend to set me off. I so wish they wouldn't because being angry exhausts me and once I'm angry I can't control myself. I can't shut it off until I either physically get it out of my system or the thing causing my anger gets out of my area.
Yesterday was one of those days, granted we're all allowed to have an off day. I was at work though, and I was rude to a coworker that I absolutely adore. I apologized after a while and apologized again later in the night but it still bugs me that I couldn't for one minute set aside my issues to be kind to him as I generally always am. I become fearful that I can ruin a whole impression of myself for others if I'm off my beat even for a little while. I'm hoping and hoping hard that nothing has been affected in a negative light.
Why can't I decipher my own feelings inside. Why can't I rationalize my actions in my head before displaying for all to see.
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