Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Taci, taci, piccolo cuore. E troppo presto per dirlo.

Hush, hush, little heart. It's too soon to tell.




What is it about me and my willful disregard to advice that will keep my heart from breaking? Have I really been putting myself in a situation that will break my heart? Maybe that is the better question.


I feel like I'm a good judge of character, like I can read people fairly accurately without too much trouble.


He's such a well-mannered, charming boy. He's respectful and kind, and he has life within him...but I sense fear. There is just something about him that's scared. Why? Scared to get hurt, to commit? Scared to be tender and to give in to a softer self? Perhaps the transition from being a kid to an adult is really what's confusing him and I can understand that, to an extent. But maybe it's time to be brave, maybe it's time to take a step forward because that is the only direction any one of us should be headed.


I keep getting told that I'm wasting my time, that it isn't worth it...but what if it is? What if all he really needs is a little time, and some pushing? Well, you see, I'm giving him that. I'm being patient, I'm being kind. I care for him and I make it clear. I know he cares and I know that there's an interest, but he's scared--not ready.


Tell me, why is it bad that I put so much into him if it makes me happy to do so? I don't feel like I'm wasting my time nor do I feel like I'm putting effort into a lost cause. "You're going to get your heart broken, Annie." I disagree. My heart is still in my possession, so how can anyone but me break it? I want who I want. I don't see other people the way I see him. He's still mysterious to me though, and mystery causes curiosity, and that will keep me interested. For a time, anyway.








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