She loved him. She knew it. What else could it be? It wasn't how she had always thought love was. They didn't see each other often, nor had they been or were they ever together. But she could feel the grip he had around her heart. It is an unyielding pressure, a warmth, an ongoing coax to surrender. She knew that their entire relationship was a little unorthodox, their interactions sparing yet overly comfortable as if no time passes between them, no distance is ever forged. "I love you too." She's told him a time or two that she loved him, but that was the first time he'd ever responded like that. It was written, not said. And maybe it was better that way because the emotion that welled up inside of her after reading those words was far stronger than she would have ever expected it to be. She spent time choking down tears for she's not felt a love that reached down to the core of her being. But this, this is it. Something stops her though. The friendship that she holds with him is intense, likely due to the feelings that extend elsewhere, and it is most dear to her. There are countless nights filled to the brim with dreams of him. They were happy. But sometimes one has to take into consideration that dreams are not always prophetic, that circumstances don't always allow for one to follow through with such dreams.


She knows that if they were to try and be together, that would be it. They would have one chance and that would be all. One chance to be together, to keep their friendship, to remain close at heart and close in mind. It is as if there is too much love, and when something as strong as theirs is shattered it's too difficult to mend. Past lovers can rarely remain friends, and if they do, they are still in love. She knows that they've had their bad times together, and they've both put in the time to fix them. But that won't happen every time. She's worried.


Age, desire and need for exploration, time, location. All things working against what they could be together. She thought about it often. Considered the options, weighed them out. Her conclusion? To remain friends until it is no longer possible to do so, whether or not that means ending up together and staying that way, or ending up together and then moving apart from one another, or just not risking what's already so strong and beloved between them. She needs time though. There are other people she wants to see and experience because they're new and different and there don't seem to be such dire risks to the heart with them. She won't be broken if those relationships end . . . at least not quite as broken. Something stronger could develop with someone else, which is another reason to explore. Sometimes the best things for you, aren't what you need. She thinks she's too young to dedicate herself so entirely to one person like she would if she dove in with him.








She loves him though. Every day.